We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
