Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
