I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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