Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
