its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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