420 ftw
4 words: hood of his car
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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