Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
