butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cockslap morals
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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