the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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