there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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