I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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