All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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