Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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