Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
