Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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