If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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