Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i came on her dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
