Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
