and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
