what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
