I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
