if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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