The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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