I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
