I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
