brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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