Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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