My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize