my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
