it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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