So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
