I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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