Michael Bay diarrhea
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
