I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
