No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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