apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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