you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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