Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
