You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
