I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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