The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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