all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
