She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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