I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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