Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
