either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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