Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
