i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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