I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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