just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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