Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
