Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize