Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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