Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
