Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
