I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
