I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
