Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
