do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
