is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I pour the whiskey from now on
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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