definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize