It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
