I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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