all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
