he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?