Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?