I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead