Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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