sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
