He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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