I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
