why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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