sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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