Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
