Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
pray to the hookup gods
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
