im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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