it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
