you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
