I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We just shotgunned beers for America
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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